Once was/Will be/I still am a Man

This is very energetically challenging time in the world as of May, 30 2011. I am pretty sure for many of you as myself have been preparing for this for a good while, even if you didn’t know for what. As I look into the most important time in my history I see how your denial can eat you up and everyone around you that is on your team, till you’re in a losing battle against the Heat(shout to Lebron and them lol).  I personally am burning in the kitchen, having my team wanting to quit making the meal. What I can say is you can plan for the game but you have to play to win. My plan was to win and be the best man I could be, with a successful business, which really only equated to financial security and freedom. The best part of my plan was to have a happy relationship where I would be the best man a woman could ask for. A man who is balanced in both masculine and feminine and can make his woman feel safe and supported. I like many didn’t have that example from my parents. I thought I could override that program underestimating how I was affected by my family experience.  I went hard trying to recreate myself. I started my own business and even convinced my supportive and beautiful queen to join with me. They say that you shouldn’t go into business with your partner. It can go either way, your successful, free, and financially secure or your unsuccessful, imprisoned, and broke.  Of course I believed I’d be the exception. The other side to this thinking in which I am still trying to figure out is: If you come into a business or any endeavor(marriage, relationship, friendship, creative projects, career or job) thinking you’re going to be the part of the statistics that show failure then why begin and think you will be the exception. Back in 2005 I had all the confidence one can have without ever feeling supported by family to do what my heart has told me to do. I had a woman who saw the world in my eyes and believed my potential and definitive capacity to achieve what ever I set my mind to. She even came on my team because her faith in me.  I have a woman who saw me and paid attention and did what no one, not even my parents have done for me. She supported me as an Artist. She bought me music equipment to follow my dreams(more on that in another post).  She supported me to spiritually find myself. Through my denial of my denial of all the hurt and anger I’ve had towards my family and decisions I made. My 5 yr plan that everyone had at 29 for a plan to be like everyone else. Married, maybe kids, home, travel, vacations, gatherings, fun, fun, freedom and more fun was off and not on the money. The down side is our business failed. We also lost important people in this physical realm that has caused much more buried and denied trauma. And we unfortunatley became the statistic of a couple who didn’t make it in business together and it overshadowed us as a couple and individuals.  I strongly believed, which maybe blinded me and made me take for granted that money would never be the reason for us to be the statistic and be on the verge of losing 7 yrs of LOVE and history. Guess what I learned? I am not different or beyond the program.  So as it looks from the world perspective I am not a man because I am broke, and had to struggle as I have painfully had to transition and accept my failure. Maybe it is true that it is hard for a man to accept failure and admit he is not as smart and in control as he thinks.  As you can imagine that pressure causes people to change in may ways only due to the pain. Now I see that once again I can to lose a woman who once believed in me. The hardest part in being man in this world is being vulnerable. We(Men) will go to extremes, even to the point of being hypnotized that you’re not who you are and that you’re not capable  of changing things around. So with that being said my first post is to tell men wake up and learn to embrace the feminine. You must learn what a woman needs and how she thinks. I thought I was the man who was in tuned and would make my woman love, respect, and support me forever just because of my potential and desire and proactively to change. I also got lost in trying to be in control of my awakening. Well listen, I have some time to change my life around. The thing is it has to b done on every level of my being and NOW. Walk with me and pray for me(reader). Can one change and make a difference and gain back the support of their twin flame? Three month from now will I be the man who inspired me to walk this journey so I could proudly write these words and expose myself completely and humbly to the world? My goal is to document through this blog my journey back  to a higher way of living and functioning in this world.  I love all of you for being you and I hope this is relatable and inspiring. I will be a different person writing differently by the end of my August deadline. You may ask deadline for what.  To reclaim my life, and finally be the person, healer, artist that I am supposed to and supported to be. And rebuild my Empress’s trust, confidence, admiration, respect, adoration, Love, empathy, and view of me as a provider of not just money but emotional and mental support, and inspire her to grow within herself spiritually and as a woman.  Men have made these mistake for eons, every time he is begging for his lady that he took for granted to see him again and love him. I know this for sure if your lady is still with you even if she is not confident about it and ready to jump ship, than she still LOVES you and wants you to step up so she doesn’t have to feel that way and feel guilty. She still believes that the man she fell in love with and she supported is still alive in there. Come out to live MEN, not play. Say hello to the DIVINE MASCULINE